Bow & Roar
Andrew Palmer, Sensei – Dharma Teacher in The Open Source Zen Tradition
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Experiencing Unconditional Freedom

3/28/2017

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Two of the recent talks I’ve given are about Unconditional Freedom: the first (Freedom in Times of Oppression) is about the territory of it – or the non-territory of it to be more precise, since you can’t talk directly about something that is unconditional; the second (​The Bodhisattva Way: You Just Can't Help Yourself​) is inadvertently about the effects or evidence of experiencing Unconditional Freedom - something I didn't intend and didn’t realize until afterward, in light of a question that someone posed. This question came up after the talk had concluded, while we were wrapping up, so it only received a partial response and we didn’t take time to look into things much further together. Since it is an essential question to be asked, it kept rolling along with me, and though responses to it are contained within the two talks I wanted to respond to it directly and more succinctly here.
 
The question: “How does a conditioned being experience Unconditional Freedom?”
 
My initial response was “Naturally,” and I still stand by that, though I realize it’s not very helpful or informative. The next response was “It can’t,” which makes sense and is more satisfying. But, reflecting upon it afterward, I realized, although more satisfying, it was an incomplete response. The more complete response, which is contained in the initial response of naturally, is this: “A conditioned being can’t experience Unconditional Freedom, but the experience of Unconditional Freedom is entirely possible because Unconditional Freedom is all there is.”
 
Let’s begin with the satisfying part: a conditioned being can't experience Unconditional Freedom. This makes perfect, sound sense logically. Unconditional Freedom cannot be experienced within conditions, it cannot be captured or spoken about because to do so would bring it into the conditional realm. Additionally, there are no paths or ways of being that can be devised to help one experience it, because such things are marked by contingency and conditionality. So a person cannot truly say “I have experienced it” or “I am experiencing it,” even though from an absolute standpoint both statements are indeed accurate: all beings are endlessly experiencing Unconditional Freedom because it is experience itself, it is existence itself. Yet to affirm it doesn’t do, and to deny it doesn’t do, either.
 
The crux of the matter here is conditioned and unconditioned are not opposed to one another, nor do they exist in mutuality with each other – they are completely independent of one another. Conditionality is of the realm of time, space, dimension, change, qualities, concepts; un- or non-conditionality is timeless, boundless, immeasurable, unchanging, beyond description, beyond knowing – it has no realm, and because of this, infinite realms exist within it. In regard to the theme of this post, this is to say conditioned reality exists as a facet of unconditioned reality. (And yes, an overdue disclaimer that to write a post saying so may be the ultimate contradiction, but hopefully it provides the gist of things and points to/illuminates something helpful.) Thus, the reason conditioned paths cannot lead to Unconditional Freedom is because there is no separation in the first place, they are not two, you can’t get to where you are already. Likewise, a conditioned being cannot experience Unconditional Freedom because it cannot not experience Unconditional Freedom. Once more, Unconditional Freedom is all that there is; it is what is. Therefore, by extension, a conditioned being cannot help but experience Unconditional Freedom.
 
This leads to the middle bit: the experience of Unconditional Freedom is entirely possible. First off, we toss out any “never the twain shall meet” ideas because, as mentioned above, there ain’t no twain to begin with. Second, we undo the assertion that it is possible, yet without denying its possibility – simply let it be, leave it alone. Thirdly, and lastly…and perhaps everlastingly, allow the experience to speak for itself, on its own non-term terms, in its own timeless time. Again, this is beyond/beneath assertion and denial, so there is no "this is it or “this isn’t it” – there’s just:    
 
A term for that blank is suchness, and a term for the experience of suchness in the context of Zen practice is realization. As you may intuit, it’s not realization via the common route of studying something, getting the concepts down, connecting the dots and as a result having a moment of “Eureka! I found it!” It moves in the other way: things are undone (mostly of their own accord, yet with a little help), concepts deconstruct and fall away, the bottom falls out, and the reality of Unconditional Freedom (aka suchness) shines forth vividly. It is always shining forth, actually, whether it is realized or not; as Torei Zenji says: “In every moment and every place, things can’t help but shine with this light.” And whether it’s a momentary glimpse or a longer gaze, it can’t be unseen. And the seeing or experiencing of suchness having happened, things transform. This is where the evidence and noticeable effects of the experience of Unconditional Freedom come in.
 
At this point (and likely all of the points above), perhaps the less said, the better, because you can never reach it or convey it completely by talking about it, and you also risk mistaking what is being said for the thing itself.  Yet you can talk at the edge of it or around it, and that seems to be helpful. In fact, the Zen tradition is littered with such statements and accounts, and not in the spirit of the individual(s) saying “I found it” but more so in the spirit of saying “Look – it is possible.” Here are a few examples, beginning with one that Donovan made popular back in his day:
 
     Before realization, mountains are mountains and waters are waters; in the midst of realization, mountains are no longer mountains and waters are no longer waters; after realization, mountains are once again mountains and waters once again waters.  ~Dogen
 
     Suddenly I realized for myself the fresh breeze that rises up when the great burden is laid down  ~Fayan
 
     Someone asked Dahui, “What’s it like when mind and buddha are both forgotten?”
     Dahui replied, “The sun revealed in the hands of an old woman selling fans.”
 
And though there are many such statements and accounts throughout the history of Zen, realization isn’t relegated to the past…in other words, we’re not meant to ride on the waves of others’ realization but instead are meant to and can experience it ourselves. As stated before, this is because Unconditional Freedom is outside, beneath, and beyond time and space; it doesn’t belong to any particular place or person or thing – it simply is. And the experience of it is possible, regardless of the conditions of time, space, circumstances, etc. It's happening all the time and endlessly, and to illustrate this, I’ll share an experience with a student that happened not long ago.
 
He had been working with a koan for a period of time and then had a moment of breaking through. Though he didn’t say much at that particular moment, it resounded clearly and deeply. After spending a little time absorbing and experiencing it, followed by his mind trying to work things out, he asked me: “How do you know that response is authentic?”
 
I noticed my mind beginning to do its thing as well, too see what it might offer, but instead found myself leaning in closer to him and saying, “How do ​you know that it's authentic?”
 
We both sat back and shared a smile – nothing to assert or explain, nothing to deny, allowing it to speak for itself.
 
In closing, I’ll return briefly to my initial response of ​naturally​, as all I have written here falls under its umbrella. Unconditional Freedom is - timeless, boundless, immeasurable, unchanging, beyond description, beyond knowing – naturally. Humans try to know it, find their way to it, describe it, capture it, create formulas to invite and invoke it – naturally. This is simply the way things are, naturally – there is no conflict or fundamental problem here, nor anything that needs to be fixed in this no-realm realm of these two-that-are-not-two. And lastly, regardless of opinions and agreements or disagreements and howevers or furthermores, and regardless of everything I’ve written here, Unconditional Freedom shines forth freely, naturally.
 
And lastly (for real this time), from the Daodejing (Stephen Mitchell, trans)
 
Look, and it can't be seen.
Listen, and it can't be heard.
Reach, and it can't be grasped.

Above, it isn't bright.
Below, it isn't dark.
Seamless, unnamable,
it returns to the realm of nothing.
Form that includes all forms,
image without an image,
subtle, beyond all conception.

Approach it and there is no beginning;
follow it and there is no end.
You can't know it, but you can be it,
at ease in your own life.
Just realize where you come from:
this is the essence of wisdom.
​
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10 Zen Things to Remem-Bah! Get Over Yourself

3/26/2017

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I get a bit cantankerous when I see how Zen is co-opted, appropriated and bandied about in popular culture. It happens quite regularly, so I’m regularly in touch with my inner curmudgeon. All sorts of these things come across social media, and the usual manifestation of such is something light and fluffy that brings about a sense of peaceful ease, and often hints at or openly promotes being in the present moment and being mindful. The irony here is what is being offered as a solution actually highlights a major symptom of the disease itself: putting oneself/one’s self at the center of things.
 
You don’t have to travel too far into Zen teachings to find that one of major obstacles to living generously and effectively is the self. As I like to say from time to time, Zen practice is not so much about taking care of yourself as it is about getting over yourself. This brings forth another delicious irony: in order to get over yourself you have to take care of yourself to some degree, to appease that self just enough so that it stops dominating the territory and obstructing the view, to allow it a satisfying modicum of contentment so it can wander away from the center of things and settle down a bit. So I’m not tossing out all the light and fluffy stuff completely. I just want to be clear that, in the course of Zen practice, tending to and caring for oneself in such ways is not where the journey ends but what clears the way and makes it possible for it to truly begin; and though they aren’t the most important steps to take within the overall journey, there is something essential about taking such steps. Mmmm…irony mixed with paradox served in a clearly clouded dish!
 
What prompted this response of mine was recently encountering “10 Zen Things to Remember”, a little animated offering (click on that title to view it). After initially meeting it with sighs and eye-rolling and thinking I would let it drift on by, I was instead inspired to find and present some stories and sayings from the Zen Koan tradition to accompany each of the points being made. Some of these will support the statement, going further into the territory it points to; some will offer an and also to the statement, to accompany it and widen the territory; and others will simply toss the statement out onto its head. Regardless of the specific intention of each, they all carry the general intention of being helpful in their own way, which is true of all koans, no matter how strange and unhelpful they seem. And if you’re wondering which is which in regard to the three possibilities I mention above, I’ll simply say that since I see the animated offering overall to be in putting-oneself-at-the-center spirit, the koan I offer to accompany the title is of the final sort. As to the rest, enjoy keeping company with them and seeing what you discover along the way.
 
[Please note: while the material presented below can be found among various koan collections and other Chan/Zen writings, most was excerpted from Acequias and Gates by Joan Sutherland, Roshi. You can find out more about that book and others, Joan Sutherland and her teachings, and our Open Source Koan Tradition here: Cloud Dragon: The Joan Sutherland Dharma Works.]
 
10 Zen Things to Remember

  After a few recent unsuccessful attempts, Yunmen once again went to Muzhou’s one-room hermitage and knocked on the door.
  Muzhou asked, “Who’s there?”
  Yunmen replied, “It’s me, Yunmen.”
  Muzhou blocked the entrance and asked, “Why do you keep coming?”
  Yunmen replied, “I’m not clear about myself.”
  Muzhou said, “Utterly useless stuff!”, pushed Yunmen out, and shut the door.
 
1.    Do one thing at a time
 
Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. 

Basho
 
2.    Do it slowly and deliberately
 
  Shenshan was mending clothes with a needle and thread. Dongshan asked, “What are you doing?”
  Shenshan said, “Mending.”
  Dongshan asked, “How are you mending?”
  Shenshan said, “One stitch is like the next.”
  Dongshan exclaimed, “We’ve been traveling together for twenty years now, and you can still say such a thing! How is this possible?”
  Shenshan asked, “How do you mend?”
  Dongshan said, “As if the whole earth were spewing flames.”
 
3.    Do it completely
 
  A student asked Dongshan, “When cold and heat come, how can we avoid them?”
  Dongshan said, “Why don’t you go to the place where there is no cold or heat?”
  The student asked, “What’s the place without cold or heat?”
  Dongshan said, “When it’s cold, the cold kills you. When it’s hot, the heat kills you.”

 
4.    Do less
 
  Dongshan was sweeping one day when a monastic said to him, “Work, work, work—all you do is work.”
  Dongshan replied, “I do it for another.”
  “Why don’t you get that other to do it for himself?”
  “Because he has no hands.”
 
5.    Put space between things
 
  Touzi said, “You’ve hit a barrier and can’t find your way home. If you go forward you’ll fall into the hands of the angry gods. If you retreat you’ll slip into the hell of the hungry ghosts. If you go neither forward nor backward, you’ll drown in dead water. What do you do?”
 
6.    Devote time to sitting
 
Meditation in the midst of chaos is a thousand times better than meditation in the midst of stillness and silence.
 
Hakuin Ekaku
 
7.    Smile and serve others
 
  One day, while Nanquan was living in a little hut in the mountains, a strange monk visited him just as he was preparing to go out to work in the fields. Nanquan welcomed him, saying, “Please make yourself at home. Cook anything you’d like for your lunch, then bring some of the leftover food to me. The path outside leads directly to my work place.”
  Nanquan worked hard until the evening but the monk never came, so he returned home very hungry. The stranger had cooked and enjoyed a good meal by himself, then thrown out the leftovers and broken the cooking pot and all the utensils. He discovered the monk sleeping peacefully in the empty hut, and as soon as Nanquan lay down to go to sleep himself, the monk got up and left without a word.
  Years later Nanquan told his disciples this story, saying, “He was such a good monk. I miss him even now.”
 
8.    Make cooking and cleaning become a meditation
 
  Seijo lived alone with her son, and eventually she came to study Zen in earnest. Her meditation ripened, and true doubt solidified in her mind. She would meditate all day and forget to cook, so that when her son came home he had nothing to eat. The neighbors used to take pity on him and feed him.
  One day when her son came home, Seijo asked him, “Whose son are you?”
  Her son was startled and asked, “Mom, have you lost your mind?”
  “Yes,” she replied.
  It went on for several days like this when suddenly she had an awakening.
 
9.    Think about what is necessary
 
"Nothing will do. What do you do?" This is the fundamental koan, the koan that is the common denominator of the thousands of koans.
 
Shin'ichi Hisamatsu
 
10.  Live simply
 
  Baizhang asked, “What is the crucial thing about this practice?”
  Great Master Ma replied, “It’s just the place where you let go of your life.”
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Happiness Is ______ (Don't fill in the blank)

3/24/2017

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Don’t settle for your own happiness
 
This phrase has been keeping company with me of late, and I’ve offered it to others as well, to consider, ponder, explore, be befuddled by. Because while there is something that intuitively makes sense here, there’s also a “huh?” factor. I've found myself inclined to unwrap it a bit and look into the territory more thoroughly, so thought I’d exploring three main aspects to which it speaks and share what is being brought forth and revealed.
 
Your Own
 
This is the first thing that jumps out for me and justifiably so: it’s the primary place from and through which we experience the world – our individual lives, our problems, our plans, our hopes and dreams. Trying to manage and understand these is what regularly brings people to take up a meditation practice: we want to reduce stress, learn to relax, be present, find peace, deal with our lives more effectively, and more. Meditation is often packaged as something that can deliver these desired results, and this isn’t false advertising – it can certainly make good on all of these. The issue here isn’t the meditation, it’s taking up such a practice in service of the self, or in a self-serving way, which is where the your own of the above phrase comes in.
 
Your is such a limited, confined territory, yet within it there are limitless projects that can be taken up. Resolve one issue and up pops another, or perhaps when trying to tackle one problem it splits and multiplies instead. Backward and forward and round and round we go: the self-improvement project perpetually providing fuel for itself to continue on and on. And it doesn’t matter if we feel like we’re getting nowhere or if we achieve some level of success in managing all of this; the cycle keeps rolling along, which leads to another aspect of that opening phrase.
 
Settle
 
There are two qualities to settle that I notice here, and the first is in the sense of settling into something, like a home or one’s particular place. I’m thinking along the lines of when we’re successful at managing our lives – we’ve lowered the stress, are finding peace, feel increasingly present and effective – and we set up camp there. In doing so we’re setting up a territory that needs to be maintained, protected and even defended at times. We want to hold onto and nourish all the good we’ve worked for and developed, so we have to be wary of that which may challenge and threaten it, lest it should be diminished, lost or taken from us. To some degree we build walls around that which we value in order to preserve it, and in doing so we can end up closing ourselves in and cutting off connections and access to other possibilities.
 
This leads to the other quality of settle, which is in the sense of things being good enough that we’re willing to quit while we’re ahead and cash in our chips. While we know there could be (is) more out there awaiting us, we’re not certain of how or when or if we’ll find it, so we choose to stop and hold on to what we’ve got. Why risk losing it? Or maybe it doesn’t feel risky at all. We’ve checked off all of the boxes on the list and have arrived, perfectly content, so we hang up our traveling shoes and leave our searching and seeking days behind us because, well, what more could we ask for? We’re happy.
 
Happiness
 
You may have noticed a common thread of "limited territory" running through this post. Happiness is another example of such a territory. It’s limited by what we think it means and how to get to it, and what life will be like and how we’ll feel when we do. We’ve inherited some ideas about happiness from our families, other ideas have been given to us by our society and culture, and others we’ve developed on our own as we’ve made our way along through this life. Regardless of where these ideas of happiness have come from, one thing they have in common is this: it certainly isn’t here. So we have to figure out how to get there, and just like the idea of what happiness is, we also inherit ideas about how to reach happiness as well as come up with our own ways to get to it. Such paths are typically made up of a bunch of requirements:  who we must be and what we must accomplish, achieve, develop, possess, get rid of, etc. Sometimes we find the steps on this path seem insurmountable, yet we keep at it nevertheless because of the promise of what awaits us. Other times we may fulfill all of the requirements but still don’t encounter happiness, or at least not the happiness we expected. Thinking our list must have been faulty or incomplete, we add more requirements, devise a new plan, create a new path, and set out upon it. On and on and on.
 
What happens if we reduce, remove or don’t create any requirements at all? What if we let go of the concepts we already have about what happiness is and don’t generate new ones? What if we stop saying it’s not here? (To be clear on that last point, this is not about affirming it is here or this is it, but simply giving up the habit of negation.) Essentially, what if we have no ideas about what happiness is or how to find it or who we have to be to deserve it?
 
In addition to freeing ourselves of requirements and formulas and ways to follow to find happiness, I think happiness itself would enjoy being freed from all the constraints we put upon it. Thus freed, I imagine happiness bounding about like the cows below. Perhaps we can, too.​
 
Don’t limit yourself to your own happiness.
 
Don’t limit yourself.

Don’t limit happiness.
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    Andrew Palmer, Sensei

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